mercredi 12 mars 2008

Scaring Darkness : Afraid Of The Dark

WHEN I WAS a child, i used to be afraid of the dark. I remember asking by brother and sister to come with me to the watercloset at night because i was afraid of some bad evil hiding in the dark and waiting for me. But one day i wake up with a urging need to go to the watercloset that sounded far away from my bedroom for the little child i was. I tried to wake up by sisters but they were horribly profoundly asleep. I couldn't stand it no more but nothing was really ashaming to me, even if i was still a child, than passing water on my bed or on my clothes. No matter what the reason will be because i couldn't reach the watercloset and my elder sister was asleep. That's when i come to make a real lesson for life.
AGAINST ALL ODDS and fears I took a large breath and went walking in the corridor that sounded endless, because it settled far away from my bedroom, this door of the waterclosets. The "march" to the watercloset sounded difficult to me, but the very test of opening the door was the most scaring when i got there. In fact, he was there, behind the door, or this is what I thougt. He waited on me, he was waiting for me to come, sneaking for my entering by the door. I was afraid, I was scared of him I had never seen, I was shaking but mainly I also was about to pass water on my body. If I hadn't been so ashamed of passing water on my body, I would have choosen to go back to my bedroom running, when I was going to the water closets with holding backs.
THAT'S WHEN I DECIDED and broke into the watercloset, walked to the toilet with the last holding backs i could, sat quickly and urinate. I felt good, i had made it, i had come to it. He was not there behind, he didn't waited on me, or he disappeared because he has been too scared of me. He knew i wouldn't give up the fight if we had to, I come over it, i made it by my own and i would never be scared of him again. I was really feeling upgrading proud inside me and a kind of congratulations for my achievement. It was the biggest one I'd never thought i would make it.
THAT'S WHEN I REALISE I got there, in the Dark. For it's the dark that scared me the most. But unintentionally, I went throught this dark without putting on the lights, something I could do because the ignitions where on the walls in three different parts (so that i couldn't miss it).
HAD I MADE IT deliberately, it sounded like. But if it has to be it, it might be uncounscioussly. But i had learn from that day, that the dark would be always scarefull to me if i hadn't fight with it. That's why I keep on fighting all the darks in my life till nowadays. Because i know they don't make me wick if i can strenghen from them, if I face them and subdue them.

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